When One Gets Sick, They All Get Sick

It has happened. The plague has hit my house. Well...not the plague...not really. Strep throat has hit my house with a vengeance and so far it has taken down three of us. My dad was lucky enough to jump ship and head to our farm. He has manly chores to do. My mom...well...she is here...with me and the kids. My son has strep. He was diagnosed yesterday. My youngest has strep. she was diagnosed this evening. I am pretty sure I have it considering I feel like my body has been beaten with a baseball bat and I am just plain worn out. (I don't have health insurance so I can't go to the doctor...no funds for that. Which really sucks. Because now I am taking some left over antibiotics I had and that is probably not a good thing.) My middle daughter is not showing any signs of the strep monster but, even though I don't want her to get sick, I am pretty much expecting it because, well, it's the strep monster and it eventually gets everyone.

I hate it when my kids get sick. I hate it when I get sick while my kids are sick because then I feel like I am utterly useless. It's hard to make your kids feel better when you feel like total shit. So, I shall lounge in my jammies tomorrow, drop the prescription off for my youngest daughters meds in the morning so I can pick it up later, and then I am holing up, hunkering down, and get down to the business of feeling better. Because then, I can help my babies feel better. Which is the most important thing...ever.

Where To Begin...

It's been a while and I need to update and explain.

I came out...as a lesbian...a year ago. It was hard and it was an experience. I told friends and family and dated women and made new friends and awesome connections.

And then...then someone I cared for very much a long time ago came back into my life. We had been talking, as friends, for a long time. We remained connected through the wonders of Facebook and mutual friends. This person spent some time with me over this past Labor Day Weekend. And then, we had THE talk. The "Holy Shit I still have feelings for you except they are all mature and non-highschool" talk which a few days later turned into the "I just want to see where this goes and here is to hoping that the third time is the charm" talk and now, I am officially in a relationship.

With a man. (GASP!!!)

I know, I know, I know...my sister called me out on it, my friends have called me out on it, and I have called me out on it as well. WTF was up with the whole lesbian thing? Well, in short, I am NOT confused. I am NOT wishy-washy (although some may beg to differ). I was not testing the waters and trying it on to see how it fit. The truth is, I truly do love women. I love their curves, their softness, their emotional capabilities, their communication styles, the way they kiss, smell, touch, taste...I love women. I do. BUT, I am attracted to this man. And not just physically, but emotionally as well. So, while some may say I am bisexual, I say I am loving of all genders-be they male, female, trans...whatever. I don't discriminate. I guess what I am saying is I was wrong...but I am not ashamed of my attraction to all sexes. Rather, I will embrace it and go with it and I hope that you, dear readers, can do the same.

No, I have not changed my views. I still believe in marriage equality, life equality, I still REFUSE to go to Chick-Fil-A, I still have my rainbow gear proudly displayed in my car, I still admire and drool over women, I still believe that my kids need to be raised around people from ALL walks of life. I also believe in monogamy and honesty (which is why I am 'fessing up here) and being true to ones self. I am glad I admitted my attraction to women out loud. I don't want to take it back. I feel a little silly having to explain the whole thing to those who know me and have only ever seen me with a woman (I hadn't dated a man in a VERY long time before I was with women). But, I will continue to do so to whomever wants to ask.

Just know this: My sexuality is MINE. I am not ashamed of it, I will not hide it, and I will always try to be as honest as I can about it.

I am really happy though....with the boyfriend. I feel like his personality, his warped sense of humor, his off beat way of thinking compliments mine and that is something I haven't experienced in a while.

I will still continue to blog, but I will not claim the lesbian title anymore as I don't want to claim something that is no longer mine to claim and I don't want to piss anyone off. I will still write about hard issues to talk about, I will still blog about randomness, I will still provide helpful links to all sorts of fun sites. I just hope that you, dear readers, can respect what I am and will still continue to read as I do so very much love to write for you.

The End Is Near...

The end of my job that is.

4 years with the same department. 4 years with mostly the same people. 4 years of working hard to help this department and what do I get?

A whole lot of nothing.

My position was never permanent, I know that. My position was always contingent upon me graduating and now that I have, well, here we are. But, the thing is this, there is a possibility for an open position. There is a possibility for security and a salary and health benefits and for me to continue where I left off and get things in order and finally start my grown up life with a real job for which I worked hard. Whats stopping me?

Professional nepotism.

Professional nepotism sucks. It keeps qualified people out of jobs, it holds others back, it advances people that my not be cut out for the advanced-to job.

Right now, professional nepotism is just keeping me from getting a job and honestly, it's depressing.

When Enough Is Enough

That word comes out of my mouth more often than I would like to admit. In various sentence structures, types, sometimes as a simple loud command.

"Enough!!!"

I have had enough of the word enough.

I have a 12 year old son. I also have two young daughters. They are 13 months apart. Yes, they are close in age. No, it was not intentional. Moving on...they fight. Constantly. I was not blessed with three children who consider their siblings their best friends and confidants. No no..I was blessed with three children who see each others as competing members of opposite teams where winning at any cost is what they are striving for no matter what I say to them and no matter what it is for which they are competing.

This is also the middle of the second week of school for all three of them. Getting up early, getting them out the door so they don't miss their ride to school (My neighbor and I switch weeks carpooling the kids to school..this is not my week), making sure they are not wearing each others clothes (just the girls) because I don't want to hear the screeching and obnoxious "That's MY shirt/scarf/those are MY shorts/pants...give it/them BACK!!!" at way to freaking early to be awake in the morning o clock. My youngest...who is most like me I think therefore we but heads constantly...likes to cover her ears when I am saying something she doesn't want to hear. Which, in turn, makes my blood pressure rise as well as my voice and then I threaten...and I ALWAYS follow through. But, I find the word "enough" comes out of my mouth more when I am speaking to or about my children and their behavior and I wonder, is this healthy?

I love my kids with every single fiber of my being. They are the most amazing things I have ever created and I am so proud to be their momma. I can't imagine my life without them...it just doesn't make sense for me to not be their mom. I was meant to be their mom. But sometimes....whew...sometimes I just want to scream and hide in the bathroom with my nook and chocolate and a bottle of wine to get away from the insanity of my children fighting over absolutely EVERYTHING. Of course, even if I did do that, I would hear the soft rapping of tiny knuckles on the outside of the bathroom door and a small childs voice asking me when I will be out because __________ (you fill in the blank with any tattling child's complaint.). I say this because this is generally what happens when I go to the bathroom, no matter if I am peeing, trying to take a shower, or am, in fact, hiding for a moment to breathe and am in there longer than 32.5 seconds.

(I realize this is of a dad and a mom but I couldn't find any other pics to prove my point)

After the intrusion request of my presence, I see what they need and then I have to use the stern momma voice and inform them I have had "enough" of their bickering and then I usually impose some sort of guideline that they are expected to adhere to to quit complaining/fighting/tattling. But honestly, when is enough truly enough? I know, rationally, they are not going to stop fighting until they have moved out of the house and then it is still possible they will continue to bicker. I know, rationally, they will only be nice for about 5-10 minutes before another trivial something sets them off into another round of fighting. And then I get to say my least favorite word of all time lately.

"ENOUGH!!!"

So, I think I shall put a hold on using the word "enough". I am sick of using it, sick of hearing it, and I NEED to find a different word to convey what I am feeling. Which is, ironically, that I have had...enough.

Dating A Single Mom PART 2

So, you have taken the plunge. You are now dating a single mom. A few things to know before you get your panties in a twist about something you feel to be an affront to your budding relationship.

The Kids: Don't expect to meet them anytime soon. I swear I am not trying to judge, but a good mother will hold off on letting you meet her kiddos until you guys have been dating a good while and you have made it quite clear you are serious about the relationship. No, it's not that she doesn't trust you, its just that she is trying to protect her children from any sort of emotional distress that is caused when they lose someone in their lives, via break ups, divorce, whatever. I can tell you that it is hard to explain to a child why so and so is no longer coming around. They may not voice it, but the kids might think it is something they have done to make the other adult go away. As single mom's, we just want to protect our children from that sort of loss and those types of feelings. So, don't get hurt when she says she has the kids and no you guys can't hang out. She is just taking some precautions and really wants you to understand that it is nothing against you.

The Sex: While it may have been a while for the mom, don't assume you can just climb right into her pants and get all freaky. Be respectful. Be patient. I mean, unless she is pulling your pants down and saying "Baby, lets get down and dirty right now" don't assume she is looking to get laid ASAP. Sex is a funny thing. It can create emotions and attachments and I promise, sex makes everything complicated. Everything. Wait for the right time, wait for her to tell you she is ready, and wait for a weekend where you guys can take your time with each other. Make it special, memorable. Don't treat her like all she is is a quick lay. Make it about the connection, the emotions, the relationship...not just about getting off. If all us single moms wanted was to simply get off, well...that is why we buy vibrators. Just sayin'.

So, while this is a short post, it has some pretty pertinent information. I will post again with more dating tips. and remember: these rules can translate into any relationship, gay or straight.

Dating a Single (Lesbian) Mom, PART 1

Perhaps you have only dated other singletons. Perhaps you never thought yourself to be the type of person to be attracted to someone with kids. Perhaps you were never sure of what drama or baggage might be involved in dating a woman with children. Well, being that I am a woman, with children, who is also a lesbian, I can give you a few pointers, hints, ideas, etc on how to date a single mom.

**IF YOU DO NOT WANT KIDS AT ALL DO NOT DATE A SINGLE MOM!!! IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET ATTACHED TO OTHER CHILDREN IF YOU HAVE BEEN BURNED BEFORE, DO NOT DATE A SINGLE MOM. IF YOU DO NOT EVEN LIKE KIDS, DO NOT EVER EVER EVER TRY TO DATE A SINGLE MOM.***  Unless this mother is very clear that it is a very casual thing and she is not wanting a relationship at all whatsoever, just let her be. Single mom's should not be the one stop shop for NSA sex.

Upon meeting a woman who has kids, hopefully she will be forthcoming about her being a mom. If you are truly interested in getting to know her, don't let the fact that she has children dissuade you from asking her out. Just because we have kids does not mean we have given up dating.

Something REALLY important to remember is this: if the woman you are talking to has children and she was previously married to a man, don't assume that this is a phase or experimentation. ESPECIALLY if she has been DIVORCED from that man for years. Notice I say divorced and not separate. If she is separated, but not yet divorced, walk away. The only time it is appropriate to get into a relationship with anyone is if they are single and not in a relationship that is legally binding or otherwise. Of course, you are going to have to rely on her honesty in this, but, you get the idea.

Don't be afraid to take things S L O W. Single moms have so much more to worry about when it comes to dating. I highlighted some of these in a previous blog. So, really try to get to know her as a person while dating before you go any further.

As single moms, we are super busy. Either we work full time, go to school and work, etc...we are always busy. Respect that and respect that we want to make plans to do things so we know what our schedule is.Expect her to want to make actual plans. Unless we have a nanny and can afford to just go off at a moments notice, we generally have to make plans and find a sitter. Spontaneity is not always our friend. We may yearn for it (LORD MERCY do I wish I could be spontaneous again) but the reality of the situation is having kids requires us to plan our free time out. We may only get every other weekend to stay out late. We may only get two nights a month to go out an about. Those nights, that free time is PRECIOUS to us. Don't make plans and then cancel last minute unless it is absolutely unavoidable.  And don't get mad if we have to cancel due to children. They are our kids. They will ALWAYS (and SHOULD always) come first.

I will write more about this on another blog.  This is more of a laying the ground rules kinda thing. Of course, these are my own opinions so others might think differently, but, maybe something I have said could possibly help.

Vote With Your Wallet

The call of their sweet tea and chicken mini's is hard to resist. The buttery biscuit with chicken and dill pickle is oh so tasty in the mornings with a steaming cup of coffee or even a large sweet tea or lemonade. I love their club sandwiches. Their food really is, as a Facebook friend put it, "JUST GOOD."

But good food can not make me turn my head and make myself deaf to the fact that they do not support marriage equality, that they have donated money to organizations who are trying to create legislature to make marriage equality obsolete nationwide. Good food can not make me forget that there is a struggle for equality out there and good people are becoming bitterly embroiled in a fight that has gotten out of hand.

I am saddened at the whole thing. I talked about this in an earlier blog, Equal Rights For Equal People.
I shared a conversation/debate with someone on Facebook about the fight for Marriage Equality. It was tense, yes, but it was also important that we both kept our cool and were able to express our opinions, thoughts, and beliefs without throwing buckets of verbal hate at each other. In the end, we had to agree to disagree, as he was firmly entrenched in his views as I am in mine. The whole, we must MAKE them see where they are wrong thing is not going to work. As much as we want everyone's support in our fight for equality, it isn't going to happen. There will be people, groups, organizations out there who will make it very clear that they do not support marriage equality. And that is okay. We can't expect a full 100% backing. We should expect some dissidents to be lurking about. We can, as Jenn Hobby from the Bert Show put it, vote with our wallets. Don't buy Chick-Fil-A. Don't financially support people that are, in your own country, helping to propagate intolerance with their donations to essentially right-wing Christian hate groups. Don't spend money in a place who shares beliefs that you feel are not progressive enough. But remember, as you turn your back on an organization and refuse to recognize their constitutional right to freely express their privately owned company's beliefs, expect them to do the exact same thing to us.

Personally, I will not eat there anymore. It hurts my heart I can't enjoy their awesome food anymore, but, at the same time I feel good about contributing to a cause however small it may be by saying no, you do not get my money because you do not support equality for everyone. So, goodbye chicken mini's, sweet tea, and awesome milkshakes. I would say I miss you, but, honestly, I won't.